I witnessed this incident at a formal Chinese dinner at a rather expensive restaurant. There was a extended family dinner that was in about to commence. There was an elderly lady, possibly the grandmother, present with a young gentleman, possibly her son, and his fiancee. The fiancee was very well dressed and had professional make up done. As she greeted the elderly lady, the elderly lady praised her in the Chinese language that she was very beautiful and her dress was well chosen. Replying in the Chinese language but with a very strong English accent, the young lady thanked the elderly lady profusely. Upon hearing that, the elderly lady shook her head and turned away with a unhappy look on her face.
I believe this miscommunication was due to the lack of cultural understanding between the Chinese educated elderly lady and the English educated young lady. In the Chinese culture, praise by someone is normally brushed aside with words of doubt of the recipient on herself. To receive the praise would imply pride and poor upbringing on the receiver. However, in the English culture, one normally receives the praise with words of gratitude.
Thus, I envisage the elderly lady thinking that the young lady is a prideful person with little respect for her elders. The young lady on the other hand could possibly be in a state of confusion as she most probably put in extra effort to dress up for the event in respect for her fiancee's relatives and upon receiving the praise in way deemed polite in her culture was given the disapproving face by the elders.
Reflection on Learning
16 years ago
6 comments:
Hello Hui Ming,
It is quite an interesting situation you have got here.
Personally, I have never encountered an experience whereby I received a disapproving look upon receiving a praise from an elder. Hence, the way you have analysed this situation is quite a surprise for me.
Nevertheless, I do not deny that communication between generations as well as culture is tricky. There are many beliefs and habits that the older generation hang on to and is to them, forms of respect. They place emphasis on it and become skeptical to the way the younger generation alter these forms.
In my opinion, being open and tolerant will bring both parties to a greater step in understanding each other. This will in turn allow for better communication.
Hello Hui Ming
This is an interesting scenario in which communication between generations is concerned.
Also, I also do agree with Peiyu that the elder generation holds dear to their beliefs. They expect the younger generation to actually follow their way of living and behaviour in one way or another.
However, in this ever changing world, some living habits need to be modified in order to keep up with the pace.
Nevertheless, being open will certainly enable better communication between two parties.
Binglin
Hi Hui Ming! It is me again!
I really pitied the fiancee, who made such tremendous effort in dressing up for the occasion to leave a good impression in her future mother-in-law (Or grandmother-in-law?), but only to find herself being disapproved due to cultural differences.
The older generation has a different set of beliefs as us, which often leave us baffled by their reactions (disapproval) to some of the things we do.
If I was the fiancee, I would perhaps asked my fiance what went wrong in private. The fiance should be able to give better insights since he is closer to his family member. Knowing more about their culture in the family would allow her to better bond with the family.
I feel that one should be open and receptive to the differences in others' culture, regardless of his or her status in the family. It not only cultivates better interpersonal relationship but also reflect a person's character. This open-mindedness is applicable in both family and in the corporate world.
My grandmother is tolerant of the differences in cultural among my generation. During the Lunar Chinese New Year, we would normally wear brighter-coloured clothes to signify the auspicious occasion. However, some of my cousins like to wear (totally) black when they visit my gransmother. Black-coloured clothes are usually worn in funerals. I was unhappy with their inconsiderate behaviour but was very proud of my grandmother's open-mindedness and tolerance!
I hope that one day when I grow older, I will be able to accept the cultural differences in the younger generation and be a lovable person!
Jia Yi
Hello Pei Yu,
I share your sentiments that the elderly population require more Emotional Quotient (EQ) to effectively communicate with them. This is due to the different sets of values that are more deeply ingrained in them which they have practiced all their lives. This brings in the importance of non verbal cues that one has to be sensitive to prevent miscommunications from happening.
Hui Ming
Hello Bing Lin,
I agree with you that the world culture is ever changing. What was deemed as respect and social etiquette during the last generation may now be deemed as 'old fashioned' or unheard of. Thus, we have to adapt to this fast evolving culture whilst holding on to our moral and social values. At the same time, we should understand that the older generation do have a harder time adapting and changing their life long mind set and thus we should play our part to try to put them at ease and feel accepted.
Hui Ming
Hello Jia Yi,
Thank you for bringing up a very good point about open-mindedness. I believe that this is a contributing factor that determines the tolerance of other peoples culture and habits.
Also, it is the ability to accept others for who they are and placing they individual value above our personal standards of what we deem as proper and socially acceptable that would greatly increase understanding and tolerance amongst different cultures and races.
Hui Ming
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